Can We Keep Him?
by Cykotyks
Summary: Crack RenjiIchigoShuuhei threesome as a gift for my muse. [PWP] [OneShot] [YAOI]


**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything.**  
Warning**: PWP, Yaoi, Threesome, Smut, Crack  
**Dedication**: To my beta-slash-muse who BEGGED me to finish this for her, which I agreed only to do so if she promised to REVIEW for me (bringing her out of lurkdom!). So here's the smut and my first try at a proper threesome (along with a few other things) - hope everybody's happy!

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Can We Keep Him?

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He'd never had sex of any kind. He'd never been kissed. He'd never been on a real date. He'd never had a crush.

It just wasn't important to him. He was anti-social for the most part, though loyal as hell to all his friends. But he couldn't think of any one of them above the rest – they all mattered just as much as the others to him. He couldn't play favorites that way. He doubted he'd ever get past that – it was just too far ingrained in his nature. He didn't mind, though. He never really saw what the big deal was, and quite frankly, he never really _wanted_ to see what the big deal really was.

So then why was he sitting with Renji in Shuuhei's house, getting wasted with the two lieutenants? More importantly, why was he in Shuuhei's lap, and why was his top half off, and why was Renji's tongue in his mouth, and _why _was he kissing _back_, and _why the hell_ was he _liking_ it?

It was just the alcohol, right?

So why was his body reacting so eagerly to Shuuhei's hands and fingers and Renji's lips and teeth and tongue? Why did it feel _so good_ when it should've been _so bad_?

He reached for the bottle and took another swig, making Shuuhei laugh. The questions started to fade, leaving him with nothing more than eager anticipation for what the two had in store for him.

"He's gonna pass out before we even get anywhere," Shuuhei said, amused.

"No he won't, will you, Ichii-chan?" Renji teased.

"Won't what?" Ichigo asked innocently.

"Pass out before we get to the fun part."

"I won't if you kiss me."

Shuuhei and Renji exchanged glances before Shuuhei turned Ichigo's head towards him and kissed him. The boy responded just as willingly, turning his body around to get a better angle, only to find that his top was in the way. So he wriggled out of it and attempted to help Shuuhei do the same.

"Damn – you're a right little whore when you're drunk, ain't ya?" Renji said, roughly grabbing the boy's crotch, eliciting a startled gasp.

"Re-Renji…" Ichigo moaned, attempting to buck his hips against the lieutenant's hand, but Renji's free arm, wrapped across his stomach, was keeping him in place. The younger boy whined and attempted to wriggle drunkenly out of his grasp.

"Calm down, Ichii," Renji purred in his ear, gently nipping at the sensitive lobe. Ichigo did calm down, though with a reluctant grunt-slash-whine, making the redhead smirk widely in amusement.

Shuuhei uncrossed his legs and drew up his knees so Ichigo was on his hands and knees in between them. The older man lifted Ichigo's chin up and kissed him again as Renji skillfully undid the knot in Ichigo's sash.

When his pants slid down to his knees, Ichigo opened his eyes and gave a confused noise against Shuuhei's lips. "Wha…?" he attempted to ask, not exactly sure of how to form the question right.

"I'll be gentle, I promise," Renji reassured him before flicking his tongue against the boy's tailbone, earning him an adorable yelp.

"Think he can take both of us at once?" Shuuhei asked, ridding himself of his shirt.

"Heh – I dunno," Renji said in a teasing voice, smirking at the fellow lieutenant.

Shuuhei caught his game. "I don't think he can…"

"Can…what?" Ichigo asked. "I can do it…!" he corrected himself, indignant.

"You suuuuuure, Ichii-chan?" Renji teased.

"Uh-huh!"

Shuuhei grinned and repositioned himself after sliding his pants down. Before Ichigo could ask another innocently confused question, the black-haired man slid his mouth over Ichigo's hard cock, and all Ichigo could give was a pleasured moan and a shudder.

Panting a little, Ichigo found Shuuhei's twitching erection suddenly appetizing, and so copied Shuuhei and took it in his mouth a little hesitantly. The soft moan from the older man sent another wave of pleasure through him, paralyzing him momentarily.

That's when Renji's hands gently separated Ichigo's cheeks, and his tongue ran up across his entrance.

Ichigo had to relinquish his newfound plaything as he half yelped, half moaned. Two pairs of hands kept his hips in place, driving him crazy.

Renji's tongue swirled around the tight entrance before finally dipping into it, slipping in and out several times, gaining further access. Shuuhei picked up on Renji's rhythm and matched it, bobbing his head up and down Ichigo's cock.

Ichigo had ran out of noises and was too far gone in his own bliss to tend to Shuuhei's neglected hard-on. "Aa—! I'm—…!" he attempted to cry out.

Shuuhei took Ichigo's entire member in his mouth and sucked. Ichigo came fast and hard, crying out incoherently, and Shuuhei swallowed it all, milking him to the last drop.

Ichigo was panting, drifting down from his high when Shuuhei slid out from under him. Renji's mouth had removed itself for the time being. The raven-haired lieutenant smirked at Ichigo's dazed state and kissed him, some of the boy's substance still in his mouth.

"Ready for Round Two?" Renji asked.

Shuuhei smirked, abruptly breaking their kiss. "I think Ichii-chan's too tired now."

Ichigo perked up. "I—I'm not tired! I'm ready!" he exclaimed.

Renji chuckled. "If you say so," he replied, producing a vial from the folds of discarded clothes. Ichigo turned his head to watch Renji coat his hard cock with the lubricant. Suddenly, Shuuhei pushed Ichigo back by the shoulders into Renji's lap, where he was caught by an arm around his chest. Renji gently shoved two lubricated fingers into Ichigo's entrance, making the boy shudder and tense up. "Relax or it'll hurt, okay?"

"But…nngh…" was all Ichigo could manage to get out.

Shuuhei came forward and kissed Ichigo again, which did relax the boy, allowing Renji to continue widening the opening.

After a minute, Renji slipped his fingers out, earning an unhappy noise from the boy. He laughed and placed the tip of his erection against the entrance, which was the only warning Ichigo had before the redhead slowly thrust himself in.

Ichigo cried out, scratching at the floor between his legs.

Shuuhei grabbed the vial and poured some of the substance in his hand before grabbing Ichigo's renewed hard-on and pumping it in time with Renji's thrusts. He hungrily plundered the younger boy's mouth as Renji nipped and sucked on the boy's neck and shoulders.

The redhead reached around and gripped onto Shuuhei's weeping erection, jerking roughly. A few moments of heated moans and Ichigo suddenly cried out, close to climax. Renji slammed into him one more time and the boy cried out even louder, his voice thick and heavy as he came for a second time all over, soon followed by the other two in similar states as one spilled his seed deep inside the boy, the other's come adding to Ichigo's own mess.

After a minute of slowly calming pants, Renji pulled himself out of Ichigo, making the boy whimper slightly.

"Damn…we made a mess," Renji said with a tired chuckle.

"Not much we can do about it – Ichii-chan's asleep," Shuuhei replied, smirking.

"Sou ka?" He nuzzled at the boy's neck and snickered when he got no response. "Guess we wore him out."

"He lasted pretty long for bein' a virgin…"

Renji grinned. "So can we keep 'im?"

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**‹›–‹›–‹›–‹›–‹›–‹›–‹›–‹›–‹›–‹›–‹›–‹›–‹› **

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Sou ka: Really?/That so? 


End file.
